I Like Being Gay
Posted on January 28, 2007
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There was a book that was helpful to me in the early 1990s that I thought of yesterday, in my desire to explore something more of faith or humanism on Sundays, rather than political speech. The book was On Being Gay
The date of the chapter is significant because when I found it, I had a good laugh, realizing what a different place I’d been in 15 years ago. The book, though dated, is still affirming, especially for someone beginning the journey of coming to terms with being gay or lesbian. One paragraph starts, “I like believing the studies which indicate gay folk are generally smarter, more creative and more sensitive than nongay folk.”
I guess the operative word is “believing.” So, even then, McNaught wasn’t asserting empirical truth. It was more about building a personal myth, or engaging in a bit of Stuart Smalley self-help psychology. There are more paragraphs that still ring particularly true.
McNaught talks about the pioneering aspect of being gay that reflect well my life in Appalachia. Gay people are often called to live life and define relationships, love, morals and ethics on our own terms. While anyone may do this—when presented with a “correct” path through life, it is very easy to stay on course unquestioningly. When gay people find they don’t fit the models we see, we learn to question not only the sexual and relationship mores but to question everything. Those of us who aren’t particularly strong can come a bit unglued at this point and make some bad choices, but I rarely talk with anyone who had such an experience early on, and doesn’t value the lessons they had to learn on their own, and the strength gained from coming through it.
Another quaint-but-true thing he mentions about being gay is the knowing looks of “fellow travelers” we exchange when out and about. McNaught calls it
a twinkle and a smile which results not from [the more mundane aspects of personal identity]. It is a secret smile which only gay men and lesbians exchange.
Today, less and less people live closeted lives, and we talk about gay television, gay politics, and gay friends out in the open. Still, in unfamiliar places, such exchanges happen all the time.
Additionally, I find in my adult years, that I can be in a gathering where I know a fair number of the people in attendance, and will be “out” to a greater or lesser degree to everyone I know. Still, if it is a largely straight crowd it can be uncomfortable to be “assumed straight” by anyone new you might meet. To let people know your orientation, right off the bat, can seem like “too much information” or a political statement where none was called for. Even in these familiar places, a knowing look can mean worlds.
Many of us feel a special connection and understanding of Gay and Lesbian historical figures. Some of them may have thought of themselves as having a particular sexual identity, others we can only identify by their relationships or reputations or the product of their work. Still it has always been good to have a history to connect with, especially for those of us whose own legacies will be expressed similarly, rather than through family lines.
It was affirming to be able to feel somehow connected to some of the great leaders, writers, composers, painters, philosophers, and sculptors across the ages. What was lacking in my youth was current examples of beautiful, intelligent, and creative gays and lesbians. These days that is less of a problem with prominent leaders like Barney Frank, and Jim Kolbe, and actors and celebrities, some out for years, and others popping “out” everywhere. We’ve celebrated the mainstream success of k.d. lang, Ellen DeGeneres, Melissa Etheridge, Nathan Lane, Elton John, Rupert Everett, and Sir Ian McKellen for years. OK, I don’t remember the men’s coming out, but I can’t remember when any of them were truly in the closet either. I’m sure they can. Now we have T.R. Knight, Lance Bass, Rosie O’Donnell, and Neil Patrick Harris to add to the list. It ’s always fun to see new folks identified, especially when it’s their own choice.
There’s been a few scandalous outings recently with great cringe value, most notably Ted Haggard and Tom Foley. The stories of those who come out in disgrace can be told rather honestly from the point-of-view of people who were hiding or denying who they were, some living quite hypocritically. What’s the moral of these stories?
This Sunday morning post, then is not without it’s own controversies, but the overall feeling I get from exploring these issues is quite affirming. It’s about how far glbt people have come and how far society has come. It makes me incredibly happy to know that young folks who are only now reaching an age when they’ll understand the social-sexual models of “one man, one woman,” don’t fit them, they’ll see good, successful, modern lives as well as the historical models that while maybe not providing answers, will provide for them some clues to help them own their own differences and that, in the end, things will be alright.
I do like being gay. My uniqueness, while perhaps not absolute, is genuine.
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I like being gay…
I can be in a gathering where I know a fair number of the people in attendance, and will be “out” to a greater or lesser degree to everyone I know. If it is a largely straight crowd it can be uncomfortable to be “assumed straight” by anyone new…
his is a good book